Should I move to Xanga?

People say I am weird and eccentric...

I think I have to agree with them now...

but I am actually very normal deep inside

No?

What's next?

Am I going to let myself wallow in self-pity? (because I am feeling quite pathetic as at this moment)

Or

Am I going to accept that It is beyond my control to change the way things are and push myself to move on?

Or

Should I wallow first then move on?

Walking away shouldn't be that hard, right? If everybody else can do it so easily, I think I can too...so why do I need to care about their feelings when I am always misunderstood at the end of the day for doing the things which I think is right? OR maybe my perception of right is wrong? and my way of thinking is wrong? What I see as a non-selfish act is very selfish afterall?

Oh No....I need to be fixed..don't I?

God, are You here? Can I ask for a time-machine?

No No, can I ask for a miracle?

Just one?

I feel stupid

No hang on, I am stupid

Yes...

and worse, I feel suffocated..

maybe I should just...................................................................................

Updated: case closed.

Christine says:
1. it's over there's no need to keep in touch
Christine says:
2. if u want to start over, you aren't showing signs and proving that you want to start over. so thats crap from ur end.
Christine says:
3. so if it's crap then might as well don't keep in touch.
Christine says:
because it puts me in a difficult position which later on lead to my heart feeling the pain and slow down my healing process
Christine says:
and i dun have to remind myself how i hate ur lifestyle
Christine says:
so thanks very much, pack up the crap and leave. ill probably be okay and can look at u without memories from the past like 10 years from now.
Christine says:
if u wish to just play, have fun, party, drink, flings then uh i am not the right woman for u.
Christine says:
get it?

Need I say more? I am so lost....Oh dear.....my eyes are itchy, my aunt had a weird dream about me and my last ex 2 days ago..Oh No....please no more expectation from all of them *sigh*

reality update:

- friends, okay. better than last week.
- boyfriend, very nice. just made up from a fight. regular fight. we fight, like, almost on a daily basis.. so :/ heh, you know. *shrug*
- work, still okay i guess. enjoy every bit of it. *blah!! can't complaint. won't complaint*

spt kata orang bijak, *cieeee*
"Orang yg mengeluh adalah orang yg mengasihani dirinya sendiri. Ga ada orang yg derajatnya lebih rendah daripada orang yg mengasihani dirinya sendiri"

Jadi kesimpulannya,
ga bole ngeluh.

Huhuhuuu ... ga kok. Ga ngeluh. Cuman ngomel dikit. hehehe

I've seen a lot these past few days, endless people walking in and out the house, laughing, crying...praying.
God is good! but i just want to get this out off my chest...

I always thought maybe I've been so cruel to some people in the past, you should know who I am referring to...but after that day when you chose to ignore me and hide, I stopped blaming myself.
Because you, just like me, would have done the same thing if you were in my shoes....of course it is always easier to put out a finger and point at others....I've done some self reflections....maybe at some point I was too harsh but at least i was being true to myself and determined back then not to lead you on.

Ironically, the one person who always say that he cares and that he will care is the one person who run away faster than anybody else when I need him the most...
But God, I trust You have Your agenda.....I trust You will have Your way...and come one day, I will be able to forgive him and him.......completely.

I want to go to Israel this coming September, I don't know how, I don't know whether it's going to jeopardize my career if I put it on hold for too long...but God I shall put my trust in You......I need a release..a breakthrough...

Hello everyone,

So, I just passing by to sharing about a new community:

http://community.livejournal.com/indonesiaku/profile

This community is for people who want to know about Culture and Tourism in Indonesia. The peoples, the places, the foods, the traditions and all. Well, It just getting started. But I hope someday, this community can help everybody good peoples who wants to know more about indonesia.

'Kay, everyone...I hope you guys good peoples all have a good day today ^_^...thank you!...

Hello everybody :)

We're two germans, Dex, my male friend, who's 23 and me, Mietz, 20, and we wanna move to Bali in september. We're planning to stay there for about 3 years.

I would like to start some contact with balinese people, to get a realistic impression of Bali itself and the lifestyle there. Furthermore, it would be a help for us, to know somebody there, who can tell us, which area is adviseable to live, which Technoparties are near and so on ;)

I'm looking forward your replys.

Thank you for reading and (maybe)answering :)

Mietz  

Back in Medan, she looks pretty tired, her eyes are closed most of the time, everybody in the house are tired too from sleepless nights.
We are having prayer session every day,I prayed for her too just now..
God ease her pain, let her sleep well and sound tonight please...I trust You.

The journey back this morning was pretty uneventful, not sure of what i am feeling, so lost, is my quarter life crisis finally here? I don't know...

Still feeling the pain...various reasons, different people, different stories, different issues and yet I am carrying the pain........
I just want to be well, be whole, restored...I pray (with that little faith that I am left with) that I will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Letting go is so hard...God please help me...

A Huge glass window fell onto the floor right where i was standing this morning and I didn't move, wow....am I that dead already? sigh.........i didn't even scream.

Going back to Medan first thing in the morning tomorrow.

~cos I am leaving on a jet plane..............................take me away Lord.....

I dragged myself out of bed this morning.
insomnia again, woke up every 2 hours or so.
don't you come and rock my boat, I am doing okay, I am doing alright until you come knocking by...please just stay very far away..I am not interested anymore...

Sigh...was it vanity and madness that I was chasing before?
Or was it really my ego and not wanting to believe that You are indeed a bastard?

tough luck at work...

Am I going to give it up again this time?
I wish to spend time with grandma...
Going back home...........just be with the people who loves me.

Grandma got baptized today...thank you God...
I hope she will get better....I don't think I can let her go yet...:(

Semenjak rollingan jadwal, gua jadi hari liburnya bergeser dari Sabtu-Minggu ke Kamis-Jumat.
Awalnya, aga males karena, secara Sabtu-Minggu semua orang bersenang2 menikmati weekend, gua harus masuk kerja.

Tapi ternyata, setelah 2 minggu dijalanin. Enak juga. Sabtu-Minggu kerjaannya nyantei dan cenderung gada kerjaan. Minggu lalu 2 shift berturut2 cuman capture jadi bisa ditinggal tidur... hehehehe ... Shift malem, enak bgt, sepi en ga banyak orang.

Minggu ini, gua gada kerjaan. Jadi bisa berinternet ria deh. Sampe ketemu plurk.com.
huehehehe ... ampe bosen banget nge-net buka web yg ga jelas.
Hari ini juga gua gada kerjaan. Komputer di booth di matiin. Di lt 2 cuman ada 4 orang.
hehe... nti mau pulang lebih cepet ah.

BTW, semenjak ganti password livejournal, gua selalu salah ngetik.
Jadi incorrect password melulu. hehehe
So anyway, life feels good right now.
my bf is sitting beside me, ga tau lagi buka web apaan tu orang. huhuhuuu

eh, tapi lagi aga bingung nih.
Temen deket gua lagi aga aneh. Kayak lagi BT. Apa BT ama gua yah?
Tapi seinget gua, gua ga ngapa2in deh. Apa tanpa sadar gua bikin dia ngerasa tersisihkan ya...
Soalnya, belakangan ini, kita kan temenan deket ber 5. Temen gua yang 2 orang lagi saling suka.
Otomatis si temen gua yg 1 itu aga tersendirikan.

Duh... jadi ga enak ama dia.
Tapi makan sore, dia tampak aga lemas dan ga bersemangat gitu.

Hmm.....

I am just back to browse...
to remind myself of who I was before..
maybe just maybe I can restore some of the things which I've lost along these years...

I was editing my friends list when I saw that familiar yet so long forgotten blog. I cried as I was reading those entries.........God what have I done...is it really too late to turn back the things?

sigh..

Dah lama ga update. abisnya sekarang gua ga punya komputer sendiri... di kantor mo internetan susah bgt. Musti naik ke lt 3 dulu.
Di kost an gada komputer. Musti ke warnet dulu...

hiks!

Hari ini seharusnya gua kerja. Tapi tadi pas cek ke booth, sepertinya gada kerjaan. Jadi gua menyempatkan diri ke lt 3 buat internetan. hehehe

Apa kabar nih semuanya ?? hehe
Ada yg baru kah?

Ayo semangat, semangat!!